Where did Ha Seong-yoon’s life go wrong?
No matter how I thought about it, it felt like it was when my friend came to the hospital.
‘If it weren’t for you.’
It’s a common resentment.
Since this is a common resentment for everyone, Ha Seong-yoon could not help but think of regrets in a similar context. Before my life was saved by Lee Jae-heon, I couldn’t understand what I was thinking when I entered this secret world.
Was the fact that my parents died without my knowledge being such a shocking fact that I had to go crazy?
In recent months, Ha Seong-yoon has decided ‘no’.
Then why did Ha Seong-yoon commit such an irrational act?
‘I was able to overcome it enough and live well on my own.’
Even if he knew that his parents had become mannequins, Ha Seong-yoon was a person who could overcome them.
So, why did I have so much doubt about my parents’ survival? Why did I have so much doubt when I saw the existence of the mannequin with my own eyes? Why did I hate, miss, and despise the mannequin that I saw with my own eyes and crawl into the other side of the world on my own? ..
I don’t know.
So Ha Seong-yoon had already come to a conclusion.
I was deceived.
That I was deceived by that friend.
As Jeong In-ho said, Ha Seong-yoon is a person with a lot of thoughts.
‘Damn the main character.’
He sat blankly on the bed in my bedroom for a while.
Ha Seong-yoon, an extra who was harassed by the main character, eventually had to take sick leave due to poor health. In many ways, it didn’t feel good to see a doctor who was supposed to heal people become a patient who needed to be treated.
Ha Seong-yoon let out a big sigh and laid down.
“You should recover quickly.”
Even if I said that, there was no way I could magically recover.
‘This isn’t the other side of the world. ‘Maybe I should rest for a while.’
No special measures could be taken to deal with the wounds caused by the shadow monster, so we had to rely entirely on the natural resilience of the individual survivors. Therefore, the injuries to Ha Seong-yoon’s shoulder, back, or side probably would not recover easily.
Of course, Ha Seong-yoon could not go to the hospital. This is because I couldn’t see the patient in a less-than-perfect condition.
As Jeong In-ho intended.
“…What a dog…”
A curse escaped from the teeth of Ha Seong-yoon, who was immersed in the blanket.
‘From the first time I saw him, I thought he was a young man.’
Ha Seong-yoon could not come to his senses at all because of the rudeness that only hit the painful spot.
Yes, Ha Seong-yoon’s friend had many questionable aspects. And now, it has become clear that she went beyond the level of simply being ‘suspicious’ and ruined Ha Seong-yoon’s life.
If it weren’t for her in the first place, Ha Seong-yoon would have no reason to step into the underworld.
But I couldn’t blame her for that.
To someone who is already dead.
What answer can you get?
“…I feel bad.”
Not long before Ha Seong-yoon entered the secret world, his friend died.
Ha Seong-yoon was not there. I had just heard that she had miraculously escaped from a mental hospital and committed suicide by stabbing herself in the neck with scissors.
The bouquet that Ha Seong-yoon used to buy every month from Garam Yoon’s flower shop has now become the flowers to decorate my friend’s grave. The flowers I bought the day I first set foot in the underworld were also for that lonely scene.
Tossing and turning in bed, Ha Seong-yoon thought of his friend’s face.
‘…It’s been a while since I stopped by.’
I was so caught up in the hospital work and events in the other world that I didn’t even have time to visit my friends.
No, actually, rather than that.
I had no idea what kind of face I should face when I went to see my friend, so I couldn’t move my feet.
“…Why did you do that?”
What did you want from me in that desperate despair that I could not sense the lie in your face? Ha Seong-yoon did not think that his friend’s desperate clinging was simply a matter of guilt.
‘If he had just witnessed the death of my parents… he wouldn’t have worked so hard to tell me about the existence of the underworld. It certainly seemed like he wanted me to go into the underworld…’
There was one peculiar thing about that friend.
She no longer went to the underworld.
From what I heard, she was the main member. However, after all the survivors except her died and escaped alone, she was not taken to the other side. Ha Seong-yoon was curious about the method, but his friend did not tell him.
I couldn’t find out in detail whether it was true or not.
And one more thing.
I couldn’t remember her name.
‘The only thing I can’t remember is the name…’
This is true.
Isn’t this a setting you often see somewhere?
‘The same characteristics were seen in Lee Jae-heon’s former colleagues.’
His old colleagues who came to kill Lee Jae-heon. They must have already died, but were revived with the help of God in the other world. Jaeheon Lee was confused, saying he couldn’t remember their names.
If you think about it that way, you can roughly guess my friend’s background.
“…You were the same.”
I’m already dead.
Revived for God’s play.
“That’s why I was so desperate.”
I deplore the whole situation where everything from life to name was taken away just for the sake of God’s story. Because he lamented his situation of not being able to die even though he was already dead and having to bring in another friend.
He had that kind of expression.
How can it be like this?
‘How can you be so cruel?’
No matter how much you think about it, it was right for Ha Seong-yoon to die that day at the flower shop.
That was all the role God wanted Ha Seong-yoon to play. After hearing about the death of his parents from a friend, he goes crazy over it, enters the secret world himself, and disappears, leaving behind a notebook in which he recorded a lot of information about the secret world that he had previously heard from his friend.
So, what helps the main character and his party survive….
My throat was dry.
Ha Seong-yoon got up from the bed and headed to the kitchen.
His house was comfortable. Ha Seong-yoon, a successful doctor and respected adult, was living a sufficiently prosperous life. This house, which he acquired with the fame and wealth he had built for himself, also showed that fact.
But the moment I thought it was all God’s intention, my throat burned.
I drank the water that was on the table.
Still, the thirst did not go away.
Actually, it wasn’t thirst. Rather, a little further inside, beyond the throat. It was a story about the nerves connecting the spine and the brain becoming hot… dry like the desert, making you feel itchy.
However, I didn’t like long explanations, so I just expressed it as ‘thirst.’
Ha Seong-yoon sat on a chair at the dining table.
I was out of my mind.
It wasn’t just because of poor physical condition.
“…I guess I should go take a look.”
He thought of my friend.
‘Maybe even the suicide back then was God’s will.’
The timing was so elaborate. Coincidentally, Ha Seong-yoon died a few weeks before entering the secret world. Maybe she was excluded in advance to make way for a more interesting play.
Or, like Ha Seong-yoon, was he destined to have significance only in conveying information?
That’s why Ha Seong-yoon had no choice but to become weak to Lee Jae-heon.
‘He saved my life.’
There was only Lee Jae-heon.
‘Only he… makes me question myself.’
Questions about the origin of this world, the actual soul, and my identity.
I realized the existence of God through Lee Jae-heon. I realized the existence of theater. I realized the existence of leading and supporting actors. I realized that there is a ‘setting’ and ‘fate’ that cannot be escaped, and only Lee Jae-heon is free from it.
‘So is God trying to kill Lee Jae-heon? ‘Because that person keeps ruining the play…’
It was a fact I had already known for a long time.
So what are you asking us to do?
“…I want to rest.”
Ha Seong-yoon was a little tired.
He wanted to be a doctor.
…I wanted to be human.
As God wished, I became a doctor.
As God wished, I went to the other side of the world.
No matter how good Ha Sung-yoon was, it was all God’s will and Ha Sung-yoon was just an extra. He may have been destined to die without even a chance to speak, leaving behind only a notebook. No, that’s for sure.
‘Then where is ‘I’ here?’
Are what I’ve done so far right for me?
It was a pathetic and obvious question, but I couldn’t help but feel distressed by it. Ha Seong-yoon saw his parents, who were clearly not human, and went into the other world out of obsession….
I no longer felt like a human being.
I was tired of the mannequin reflected in the mirror, my face that I occasionally saw, the people around me, and everything in this world.
There is nothing left for Ha Seong-yoon, who is not a doctor.
Now he wanted to become a person.
I wanted to live like a human.
I wanted to be just like everyone else, a foolish person who had pride as a doctor, prayed to God every time he lost a patient, and was steeped in the honor of being an excellent doctor.
I had an earnest wish to experience life as a person hidden by the title of doctor.
“But… it won’t work.”
God decided that way.
It won’t work.
Ha Seong-yoon had to go to the hospital.
‘I miss my patients.’
I wanted to go back to that pure white building, wear white gowns, and see the patients’ blood spreading bright red under the white lights. Ha Seong-yoon wanted to do the only thing he could do.
That was so sweet. I took a deep breath and hoped to die.
He sat quietly.
Then he laughed quietly.
Ha Seong-yoon was a very thoughtful person.
So I didn’t want to think about it anymore.
“Just the right amount.”
It was hard.
* * *
Jeong In-ho was not unaware of Ha Seong-yoon’s thoughts.
But I couldn’t leave it like that.
‘If Ha Seong-yoon dies, it will be a big loss to the survivor team.’
Because I had already made that decision.
“So I have to save it somehow.”
Jeong In-ho was a selfish person.
His ‘selfishness’ was completely different from that of ordinary people.
Jeong In-ho did not care much even if people died. He was not a person to be greatly feared, pitied, or saddened by it, although he could occasionally show interest or annoyance.
‘I’ve gotten a little better since I went to the other side of the world, but…’
There was a saying that people don’t change easily.
The only people Jung In-ho could feel sorry for were his colleagues who shared the secret world with him. No matter what happened to the other people, they were unable to give Jeong In-ho a big change of heart.
Jeong In-ho was sick of himself like that.
I really don’t want to admit it, but he resembles my father and uncle Jeong Eun-woo. For Jeong In-ho, who thought they were terrible, the spiritual growth in the underworld was very welcome.
Again, in that context.
The only people Jung In-ho showed humanity to were his fellow survivors.
“…I’m not even perfect yet, so I can’t lose it already.”
The childish feelings of fighting over Ha Seong-yoon and Hong Gyeong-jun, as well as the feelings of sadness and difficulty over the death and injuries of Lee Jae-heon and other survivors. All the emotions that swept Jung In-ho, whether positive or negative, were very valuable to him.
If I didn’t have a colleague who gave me humanity, In-ho Jeong would have to go back to square one. That couldn’t be possible.
“Then I should do my best.”
Because I want to be good.
Jeong In-ho tried to control this crazy situation.
‘There are too many problems.’
There was really a lot of it.
Lee Jae-heon showed his will to withdraw from the team first, and rather than preventing it, Ha Seong-yoon hid with good timing. As the two big pillars of the team disappeared, a subtle rift appeared between the survivors.
‘Additionally, the atmosphere has become clouded with the introduction of new talent, Seo In-young and Park Min-jun.’
Among them, Seo In-young became quite close with Kwon Yeon-hee, who survived with her, and perhaps because of their commonality as unfamiliar survivors, Park Min-jun also joined them.
It was childish, like a fight between children’s friends, but in any case, it was like they were creating a new fence of their own.
‘Other survivors are talking to each other around there, and their influence is growing.’
Jeong In-ho slowly looked back on this series of processes.
“…Ha Seong-yoon was going to explode someday.”
The problem that Ha Seong-yoon is currently experiencing did not suddenly arise. It was true that I could no longer bear the stress that had been building up until now and exploded. So Ha Seong-yoon’s problem was natural.
“Lee Jae-heon… could have passed by well, but it’s a shame.”
Jaeheon Lee is a person who cares about ‘chicks’, and if they hadn’t shown their fear first, there wouldn’t have been any problem. However, Lee Jae-heon was so good at the aquarium that this incident could not have been avoided.
If so, this is also a natural phenomenon.
Jeong In-ho blinked.
A conclusion was soon reached.
“It’s strange that a crack this big has formed.”
Lee Jae-heon’s monstrously low self-esteem and Ha Seong-yoon’s internal conflict were both things that had existed in the past. Although the problem has now arisen, a team of survivors who have built up love and friendship so far could easily overcome it.
But I couldn’t.
“Because of Seo In-young and Park Min-jun.”
And if I were to choose the most unnatural person among these two…
Like the previous problems, he was acting out as if he had waited too long to just write it off as a stone that rolled in naturally.
So how is this possible?
“…if there is help from the existing forces…it
will be enough…” Jeong In-ho’s pitch-black eyes rolled.
“This can be happen.”
Jaeheon Lee came to mind.
That was a pretty reasonable suspicion.
(Continued in the next part)